🔗 Share this article Navigating the Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy Whilst Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man approaching 50, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, but it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin to date any man, when the initial excitement dwindles, I always get the urge to have sex with other men once more. Questioning the Feasibility of Exclusive Commitment I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I understand that many homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they have seemed demanding, often resulting in lots of pain and jealousy among all parties. In many ways, I want another man to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your capacity to handle various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and find some clarity and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet someone who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and later on you may choose that casual connections are best for you. Worrying about what lies ahead and playing endless speculation is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, it will be clear. The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.