🔗 Share this article The Advice from A Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Father "I believe I was simply trying to survive for a year." One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of becoming a dad. But the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined. Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo. "I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated. After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support. The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back. His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties new fathers face. 'It's not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader failure to talk between men, who often hold onto negative ideas of manhood. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time." "It is not a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult. They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit. Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly. He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant. When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words. Reparenting yourself' That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures. Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father. The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old. As a child Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond. Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish. "You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm." Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported. Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming. Look after the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping. Spend time with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling. Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the most effective way you can care for your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he missed out on. When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids. "I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen. "I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."
"I believe I was simply trying to survive for a year." One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of becoming a dad. But the truth soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined. Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as looking after their newborn son Leo. "I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated. After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support. The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back. His story is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties new fathers face. 'It's not weak to ask for help Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader failure to talk between men, who often hold onto negative ideas of manhood. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time." "It is not a display of failure to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies. Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're finding things difficult. They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit. Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly. He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant. When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words. Reparenting yourself' That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood. He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures. Ryan believes these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and make sense of his decisions as a father. The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old. As a child Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond. Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish. "You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm." Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported. Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming. Look after the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping. Spend time with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling. Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the most effective way you can care for your household. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years. In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and nurturing he missed out on. When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way. The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their kids. "I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen. "I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my job is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."